Summer vacation is winding down, and by now we’ve all just adjusted into the summer schedule, but the stress of an upcoming school year (if it’s actually happening) is on the horizon. Sprinkle in the normal stress of parenting PLUS work, and everything in between and it gets so overwhelming. Parents take a moment to look and think about some of these things that may pop up for us when communicating with our children. We urge you to concentrate more on the present; on the moments that are happening in front of our eyes. Your kids are probably enjoying the summer break, and part of that happiness exists because they are not projecting what’s to happen in the future. While it’s your job to parent and (the no so fun part) worry, you can also take some notes from your child’s summer mindset and development. Here are some common worries that parents we may all face in this upcoming school year:

Parent worries: How can we help our kids talk about and help with their anxieties?                                                                              Parents lets try some of these:

• I’m here with you. You’re safe. / Tell me about it.
  
• Do you want to go for a walk, play a game, or do some dancing to get rid of that worried energy?
• What would you like to say to your worry? What might your worry say back to you?
• Let’s draw it out.
• Let’s try some deep breathing. Match your breathes with mine.
• Let’s think up some endings that could happen (anxious ones, goofy ones, and realistic ones).

Parent Worries: I want to help my kid be more confident, as they tend to have poor self-image of themselves?

Parents lets think about this: How you talk to yourself matters – both for your own state of mind and well-being, and also for anyone else who may be listening. We tend to be our own harshest critic, and while we tend to be so good for being the cheerleader for someone we care about, we tend to forget to do that for ourselves. So lets try some of these:

• Kids learn by watching and listening – even when it doesn’t look like it – and often it’s the things we want them to notice the least that they take on board.
• One simple strategy to counter critical self-talk is to ask yourself – what would my best friend say to me? What would I say to them? Be kind and gentle with yourself.

Parents worries: I want my child to be productive, so that they are not wasting their time.
Parents lets think about this: When we are faced with free time, a lot of us have a tendency to feel like we need to fill it – that we need to be productive, all the time! That if we’re not engaged in a meaningful activity, that somehow the time is wasted. It keeps us busy, but sometimes it’s just an illusion of productivity, and can lead to burnout. Now lets try some of these:

• During these last few weeks  of summer and even during the down times in the school year, take the time to relax, and take the pressure off. Kids need stimulation, they need activity, and variety – but they also need to learn how to balance their downtime, and how to relax.
• Learning how to cope with boredom and downtime is a vital skill that kids need to learn – how to occupy themselves, to find things that keep their interest and keep them from being bored. During these summer/fall months, focus on taking the time to chill. Remember how great having breaks and free time used to be when you were at school?
• We all need to learn to sometimes give ourselves permission to just – do nothing!

Parent Worries: Have you ever walked away from correcting your child and thought “why did I respond that way? That should have gone better.” Parent fails are just opportunities to repair.

Parents lets think about this: Sometimes parents do not respond in the best way to frustrating behaviors. Instead of shaming yourself, realize where this is coming from and repair the rupture you he with your child. We’re you stressed? Scared? Didn’t know what to do ? Now let’s try this:

• It’s ok to apologize to your child even if you are the parent! Your child has the ability to hear your apology and accept that even parents mess up sometimes.

And if you are thinking, “I’m still stuck and need some more guidance?” DM us. We’ve got mindfulness coaches and child therapists who can help you get the tools you and your child need to learn these new skills.

Written by The Center for HAS Team Member Jia Wong