It can, at times, be virtuous to use restraint. There are times that a holding back of desire is truly called for and appreciated. Say, for instance, there are only 4 pieces of pizza and 4 hungry people to feed. It would clearly be greedy to take more than one piece when that would mean someone else wouldn’t get their serving.
But there are other times that the use of restraint is simply a holding back from what is rightfully yours. A holding back from dreaming your biggest dreams or from taking as much as you could possibly desire. And there is a loaded word right there: desire. Many of us have been taught to tamp down or even downright ignore our desires. We might have been successful in doing so, finding it nearly impossible to even remember what it is we truly want at all any more. Or maybe we remember, but don’t feel right about extending our arms out wide enough to receive the gifts of our dreams and desires.
Well, here’s the good news: We are standing at the beginning of a new year – which feels even more significant than usual as we peer at the challenges of 2020 in the rearview mirror. We are also close to the year anniversary of lockdown. New Years’ and anniversaries and rites of passage and rituals to signify change exist for good reason. One reason is because it is incumbent upon each of us living out this human experience to make meaning out of our lives. Meaning rarely just emerges out of thin air while we are binge watching a series on Netflix (though it wouldn’t be impossible for that to happen). All our hopes and dreams (if we can remember what they are) rarely just plop in our lap without having had to do some fairly significant self-study and excavation and, perhaps, face some scary dragons in order to claim them.
All this to say, January – this month, this week, today, right now, that is – is a wonderful time to re-member (put back together) the dis-membered parts of yourself: Your hopes? Dreams? Desires? Goals? Plans? Life is simply too short and too much of an opportunity for any one of us to let it happen under the constant conditions of restraint or denial of our dreams.
If you want to remember your dreams, re-member yourSelf, do this as soon as you can:
- Go to a quiet room, grab a journal and pen, light a candle, take 3 long, deep breaths (more if you will).
- Close your eyes, and once the world has gone quiet, say “Hello”. Say hello to You – to the part of you that has been quieted, sitting on the sidelines of your life in the name of restraint and getting by and believing what you might have been told about desires being your enemy instead of your beloved friend.
- Let this quiet and neglected part of yourself know that you are here to listen, ready even to take notes in order to capture their grandest, deepest desires. Let them be wild, untamed, and free for this moment*.
- Without editing, without an ounce of judgment, capture anything and everything that wants to be noticed. Write down what comes.
- Continue until this part of yourself feels complete.
- Then, in the spirit of openness and without a need to know how these things could actually happen, re-read your list and then set it down beside you.
- Reach your arms out in front of you, grab some “air” and then pull your arms back to your chest. Left and then right and then left. Pull more in. And then grab some more and then some more and more still. Let the world, the universe, your brain, your body, your energy, the energy around you, know that you want and you are ready to take more.
- Repeat this activity until you feel complete and resume a few more moments of quiet. Maybe noticing one or two items on your list that feel like they want to be noticed the most. Circle them.
- Take 3 more long, deep breaths while thanking your deepest self for this time. Let them know you’ll be chatting more often, and blow out your candle.
Now what? Maybe you feel exhilarated and ready to see what next steps come from exploring your remembered dreams, but maybe you feel frightened and daunted by what emerged. Take a deep breath and know that we are here for you if you need help processing. We are here for you.
Happy New Year. Here’s to dreaming big.
*This was great advice given to me that I will share with you: Call in your largest desires and dreams while also not feeling like they need to be any larger than your nervous system could actually handle. Let’s say we are desiring more money, but in this exercise I say I want a trillion dollars. I have to notice that it’s more than I could take in the sense that I don’t want what comes with possessing one trillion dollars. Make sense?